Justin Jordan
Author
Justin Jordan
At 19 Justin left Henderson, KY and enlisted in the United States Air Force, during his 20 years of service he held a variety of different jobs, everything from Cook to Combat Readiness Instructor. His most taxing job, however, would be when he was assigned as the Non-Commissioned Officer in Charge, Mortuary Affairs.
For nearly 6 years he spent his time, performing human remains inspections, uniforming the deceased, organizing military escorts, arranging for burial with honors and consoling grieving families. Justin also managed Combat Mortuary Operations at two separate deployed locations.
In late 2012 Justin decided to share his story in the book, And Then I Cried: Stories of a Mortuary NCO. His hope was that his story could help others struggling with PTSD. He is also an accomplished artist and his works can be seen hanging on the walls of the Pentagon in the Healing Arts Display. In 2013 Justin was Medically Retired from the Air Force with 20 years of service.
After retirement, Justin continued his advocacy and worked with The Air Force Wounded Warrior Program where he managed the Ambassador Program. He was responsible for teaching seriously injured or ill Airman how to tell and share their stories of recovery with audience’s worldwide, during his tenure there he trained over 55 Warriors and briefed over 30,000 Airman ranging from Airman to Four Star General.
Justin now works at Warriors Heart the country’s only dual diagnosis drug and alcohol treatment center that works exclusively with Military, Veterans and First Responders suffering from chemical dependency and psychological injuries such as PTSD and TBI.
Justin has been featured on CMT’s “I Love Kellie Pickler” and has been a guest on over 200 radio shows nationwide. In 2015, he was awarded the American Solider Networks Hero Service Award for his work helping veterans in need.
Justin has only one wish, if his work inspires you, do something about it, live beyond PTSD, live with purpose and find your voice.
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And Then I Cried
WORKS BY JUSTIN JORDAN
And Then I Cried
And Then I Cried
Randy –
Unbelievable
Reviewed in the United States on July 18, 2012
This book is more than what is written on the pages. This book wil help others that suffer from PTSD, I know this because it has helped me.
As powerful as it is, it is only a glimpse into what Justin has and is dealing with today. This book will educate you, not only about quite possibly the worst job a person can have, but what traumatic experiences can do to your mind..
If you haven’t gotten this book, please do. You’ll be helping a veteran and more importantly to me, you’ll be helping someone I proudly call “Friend”.
Mother of a Fallen Major –
A View from the Other Side of the Journey
Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2013
As the parent of a fallen soldier, I have experienced the other side of this journey. I know the gracious service and support our family received from the military men and women who have accompanied our family and our loved one as he made his final journey from Iraq to Dover and the military cemetery. I cannot find words that are adequate to describe the profound gratitude our family has felt for the men and women who serve in these difficult roles. May God bless these caring men and women who serve in this difficult but necessary role. Thank you for watching over our loved ones and honoring their service.
CJaneRun –
PTSD
Reviewed in the United States on September 14, 2016
Our lives are peppered with diagnosis.
Letters, grouped. But in the end, it takes heroes and humans to bring our last journey to our final rest. He suffered great emotional trauma over and over. Thank you Justin Jordan for telling your story. He did not let his life be defined by grouped letters. Thank God for Paws and Stripes.
I am a widow, he chose death by suicide. I actually cheered to what he said… So many people are damaged when a loved one chooses to end their life. Sometimes, you just have to be pissed off.
Thank you Justin Jordan.
dawnvolk –
and sometimes funny read. I enjoyed the ‘inside information’ on what …
Reviewed in the United States on July 15, 2015
A very honest, and sometimes funny read. I enjoyed the ‘inside information’ on what happens with the Mortuary NCO. When I think of PTSD, seldom do I ever think of a Mortuary NCO, rather someone in the field avoiding gunfire or landmines (I’m ignorant this way).
Justin does a great job of telling his story from the beginning, leading you through what happens during his post and ending where he is at today. When you read this book, you will feel like you’ve come full circle.
If you are the kind of person who can easily put yourself in someone else’ shoes, this will also be an emotional read.
This was a great purchase!
CHARLES O’CONNORS –
Inspired after reading this book
Reviewed in the United States on July 24, 2012
I agree with other reviewers that this book should be read by all Americans so that they can appreciate the pain and sacrifices endured by our men and women in uniform and their families. Justin has done an amazing job of detailing the honor and professionalism exhibited by military personnel. Just as important, he has shown us that support from family and friends can make the unimaginable just a little bit more bearable. I suspect that because of the support Justin gets from his wife, his children, and friends like his neighbor Larry he is going to do well. Thank you for your story Justin. I look forward to your next book.
Amazon Customer –
how refreshing to read this story of a dedicated Airman committed to the service of this wonderful nation. God Bless You Sir
Reviewed in the United States on December 1, 2016
An incredible manuscript, and clear documentation of one of our nations most straining and stressful duties. This is a story of an American hero, serving behind the scenes, and determined to spread empathy and kindness for his fellow troops. Mr. Jordan performed these duties with honor, always recognizing the dignity and respect of the fallen heroes. This is must-reading for ALL Americans. Gratitude is becoming more uncommon these days, how refreshing to read this story of a dedicated Airman committed to the service of this wonderful nation. God Bless You Sir, and God Bless America! John W. Harper, Author, Among The Dead; My Years in The Port Mortuary
Karen Jagers –
My feelings
Reviewed in the United States on May 3, 2014
This book has given me insight as to what my son, SSGT Chris Starnes, whom is mentioned in this book, has dealt with and some of the things that may go through his mind. It also has given me insight as to PTSD, a problem my daughter deals with daily. I’m thankful this young man let the world into his every day life so we, the ones that have no idea of what is really going on inside our loved ones, can get a small view of what they may be going through. I’m very proud of both my children and prouder to know that my son knows a man like this. Thank you Justin for all your words.
Cynthia Mejean –
Must read
Reviewed in the United States on September 9, 2016
This is a difficult story to read, and even more difficult to truly digest. However, all Americans should know just a portion of the stories shared within it. I had to take several breaks when reading because of the intensity of the material. This is real life. It is just a side of it that most of us never have to face. It is a story of overcoming traumatic experiences and having the courage to reach out for help. I would not recommend reading this if you are easily offended by foul language. It is not by any means overwhelming, and the use of it helps keep the story real. This is true life.
Justin Chavers –
Absolutely amazing
Reviewed in the United States on January 10, 2022
I purchased this book while in treatment t for my PTS. I had the chance to meet and be around the author and wanted to see his experiences. This book is humbling to say and I’m glad to know my brothers and sisters in arms have such amazing peoppe to take care of then after they pay the ultimate sacrifice. Highly recommend for anyone suffering with PTSD
Kristin Bergante –
Everyone needs to read this
Reviewed in the United States on February 6, 2018
This book is certainly an eye opener for anyone who reads it. Even though I haven’t ever been exposed to anything this graphic while serving, I get the emotions so much. As a Non Commissioned Officer, you are trained from day 1 in Basic Training to be a robot. We hold on to so much inside due to fear of being kicked out of the military. Mental health is such an issue for veterans. It wouldn’t get so bad for us if we weren’t afraid to get help before it ever gets this far. Thanks Justin for speaking out and raising awareness, you’re inspiring me and probably others to do the same.
Frank DiScala, author, Losing the War in Vietnam –
Reviewed in the United States on March 28, 2016
As a Vietnam vet, I couldn’t believe how deeply Justin’ s story touched my mind, heart, and soul. I performed many state side funeral services for our fallen heros in 1969, and was the Survival Assistant Officer for my best friend KIA in Vietnam. The memory of presenting the US flag to my best friend’s mother at grave site is seared into my memory–it never goes away. I can only imagine the tremendous mental anguish that Justin felt telling family members their son or daughter was killed while serving our country, not mention the mortuary duties that followed. God bless Justin for the courage of telling his story. Your story is an inspiration to me and, I am sure, an inspiration to our current generation of soldiers.
Dom’s mom 2000 –
Insightful read
Reviewed in the United States on June 7, 2023
Introduced me to a side of Air Force mortuary affairs and Honor Guard I never saw as a military child, only to be a flag recipient months after finishing book. Would recommend reading. Great delivery service.
JESSICA H –
Reading this book started my own healing from the traumas I felt with as a Mortuary Technician
Reviewed in the United States on March 17, 2023
Phenomenal book for anyone who has lived the blessing and curse of serving in this profession. While reading it, I truly felt like I was listening to a friend or coworker who’d experienced the same things I had. Great read that I wish I’d come across years ago.
Amber Buchanan –
Brings light to Warriors who came home with scars you couldn’t see….Great read
Reviewed in the United States on November 28, 2021
And Then I Cried is a book I couldn’t put down once I started it. It provides light to a side of the military many do not know of. You immediately connect with Justin Jordan in the book and with the other warriors he so honorably helped bring home. I cried along side him and hope others will take the time to read this book too. I appreciate his sacrifice to our country as well as his determination to overcome the wounds no one could see. Great book.
Ldympr –
Great book from a little-known part of our service
Reviewed in the United States on July 4, 2017
Thank you Jordan for writing this book you too are hero giving respect to ourhonored dead in service it was very interesting and I hope you have found some peace in writing this book.
I too suffer from PTSD but mine comes from the constant active-duty being on call 24/7 running com gear and Noise, training our officers how to drop live bombs.
I have to rank your book up there with a young lady from the Marine Corps that was in The Mortuary Service wrote her book and her struggles both of you get more than five stars
I think it is wonderful that you found an organization that you can work with.
There are a lot of wonderful organizations out there I work with quite a few myself and it really does help your PTSD
Thanks again for this wonderful book I believe everybody should read this
Semper Fi my friend
Brian –
Truly inspirational and heartfelt story that will grab you.
Reviewed in the United States on April 18, 2016
Justin Jordan’s story is reflected so well in this book, that you’ll be connected to him right from the start, in the Forward section. The wording is clear and helps the reader transform and go into Justin’s mind, feeling the same emotions and pains that Justin felt at each moment.
Those who have experienced traumas in their lives will have an honest relate-ability with the author as you will travel with him down his memory lane, recounting these moments in his career that changed him forever.
Personally, many times I’ve had to take short breaks while reading in order to regain my own mental controls before rejoining Justin in his journeys.
This is a must-read for those that have been there and done that. It gives an honest view from those that took care of our fallen brothers and sisters and it has helped me by knowing there are those, like Justin, that took such strong and diligent care of our fallen.
Thank you, Justin, for having the courage to share your stories with all of us. You are a true brother in arms.
R PRIUS –
I Cried Too
Reviewed in the United States on November 20, 2014
It has to take a very strong and committed person to handle this type of job. A friend of my family was 19 and two weeks away from returning home from his tour of duty in Vietnam. He hit a booby trapped bomb and was sent home in pieces. Through the years I have never forgotten him and have never been able to shake the closed casket or the horrible way he died.
This isn’t an easy book. It is heartbreaking and about as sad as it gets when viewing it from the perspective of those the fallen have left behind. However, this book ultimately tells the story of honoring the dead in a personal way and performing a duty with the utmost respect and dignity even when the manner of death was neither kind or dignified.
I was conversely touched emotionally by this book and also fascinated by the dedication and strength and ability of the mortuary technicians to face the worst of the worse and carry on.
If you can handle the subject matter, I highly recommend this book which presents the everyday challenges faced in a sober and respectful way while not sugar coating the reality.
The Isaacson House –
Wow…simply wow….
Reviewed in the United States on July 27, 2012
When I first purchased this book, I was just doing so to simply support Justin in his endeavor, then i read the first page…then the first chapter…and before i knew it, it was well after midnight and i was staring at my android phone reading a book i couldn’t get away from…I was taken in by the emotion conveyed in each word…at chapter 15 I was forced to take a break from reading…my phone battery was dead…so I slipped off to sleep while it charged…I had a hard time sleeping that night, thinking about the pain and emotions that Justin has gone through in his day to day job. No human should engage in such pain for a job. The next morning I woke and before i slipped from the comfort of my bed, I grabbed my phone and opened my kindle app, and started reading again…I didn’t stop till I was finished…I carried my phone around with me reading…not putting it down for anything..my heart aches for Justin and all the service men and women for the sacrifices they make and the dangers they put themselves before each and everyday, both physical and mental. This book has opened my eyes to the emotional distress that military men and women face in their daily lives. I will never look at a service man or woman the same.
I cried tears of gratitude and tears of sorrow for all that Justin has seen and dealt with in his career.
Thank you Justin for letting us see things through your eyes.
TLong –
A Jolt of Reality
Reviewed in the United States on September 3, 2012
And Then I Cried: Stories of a Mortuary NCO Justin Jordan’s story is a jolting bolt of reality about his life as a Mortuary NCO in the US Armed Forces. Like many other reviewers, I was drawn into the story and could hardly put the book down once I started to read it. He, and others like him, have seen the raw faces of life and death in a way that most other Americans never will. At times, I felt as though I were standing with him as he recounted his experiences. I could see the grief when he delivered bad news. I could feel my heart race when he was confronted with the shocking images of death.
More than that, the reader will feel and know Jordan’s humanity. Even in the face of all of the horrors he witnessed, he never lost his compassion for others. And that is the most remarkable reality of all. I’ve chatted with Jordan a few times, but I never knew the depths of his pain nor the breadth of his service to America. Now, I do…and for that, I humbly thank him.
Not to be forgotten in all of this is Jordan’s PTSD and the incredible journey he is making on the road to recovery along with his service dog, Sarge. Paws and Stripes – an organization that trains and provides service dogs that can detect the onset of PTSD – helps veterans suffering from PTSD deal with their anxieties, emotions and pain. I urge you to read this book. But know this, your view of life and death will be forever changed. A remarkable book by an American hero, I highly recommend it!
Chris –
Decent, but flawed
Reviewed in the United States on June 17, 2015
When I downloaded this book, I was thinking it was going to tell stories about heroes from the War on Terrorism, but it was quickly realized that this was going to be more about fatalities that occurred mostly in the States.
From then on, the story kept my attention, but I wonder how much of that has to do with me being an Air Force guy and being able to relate to some of the nuances of AF daily life. Some of the “woe is me” stuff came off as a nonner whining. However, in the author’s defense, the mortuary job does seem to require different stresses than your normal 8-5 job.
My biggest problem in the whole book is the attempt at humor in the last few sentences of the chapter about the PJ that died in the flash flood. During the death process, the PJ’s eyes deflated (for lack of the medical terminology). I can’t remember the exact wording, but it went something like: “in the end, he blindly performed heroically…..or was he just a blind hero?” Again, this was my attempt at paraphrasing, but the point is that is was an obviously poorly worded attempt at a joke. I thought it was bush league of the author, and with the publisher being military guys, too, it was a piss poor way to end a story about someone who died trying to rescue another person. From then on, any sympathy I had for the author went out the window. I typically try to stay away from getting my panties in a wad or think things need to be kept PC, but surely someone in the editing process thought that this poorly timed joke should be edited out of the book.
Cathy R –
Growing stronger
Reviewed in Australia on April 17, 2016
The author gives a very detailed account of his life in the US airforce. I found it really interesting and an honest account of an airman’s life. Certainly his career took unexpected twists and turns. I enjoyed the story.
Amazon Customer –
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on April 27, 2016
A very interesting book
Delaine Lee –
Reviewed in Canada on September 1, 2014
Yes ….I DID cry….
Excellent book & I was absolutely enthralled in it
maggie swan cox –
Reviewed in the United Kingdom on May 27, 2023
And I did cry. Justin is an incredibly kind, caring, sensitive and damn brave man. There were parts of the book where I just wanted to hug him, make him feel safe. I’m not American but thank you sir for your service. I salute you from the United Kingdom
Debbie –
This was an eye opening read and it helped me understand what others deal with daily in their jobs. This author tells it like it was and I’m thankful for his honesty regarding his emotions and dedication to the deceased. I too am a Funeral director and respect that we all have different ways of coping. This was an emotional read but I couldn’t put it down.
Diana –
Worth the read
Reviewed in the United States on July 25, 2020
I liked that Justin was brutally honest and didn’t hold back or sugar coat his experience. I resonated with him as he placed me along his side and guided me through his experience. I didn’t cry but I did tear up in one instance that I read. For the most part I was trying to stomach the gruesome details as I took in the information. Justin certainly did bring on emotions as I read the book. Justin gave me insight and a fresh perspective on what goes on behind closed doors to get our fallen heroes home and ready for burial or cremation. It was a good read being that I was glued to the book and read it all in one night. Overall I think that it was a great book and have already recommended it to others. Thank you for your service Justin and for having the courage to share your story.
RJHartman –
Brutally Honest….
Reviewed in the United States on February 12, 2015
I hope that Sgt. Jordan reaches his 20 years and retires-only if he wants to of course.
For his first written work, I would say that he did very well.
He has my utmost respect, as do all Veteran’s-past and present.
Great job Sarge. Godspeed in all of your future endeavors . You have truly brought the subject of PTSD to the forefront.
GABixlerReviews –
As He Cried, So Did I…
Reviewed in the United States on November 11, 2012
Potential readers of this compelling novel may think that they cannot relate to Justin Jordan’s story. In my opinion, that would be a wrong assumption. For a number of reasons.
First, if you or any member of your family have been in any of the armed services, it may be important to you to know what happens and how much honor is given to those who give their life for their country.
Second, this book is ultimately about PTSD. Much of what Justin Jordan shares may also have been diagnosed for someone you love who has come home from the service and knows that something happened to them there, but have not yet contacted anybody for help in dealing with those changes…
Third, I want to add a personal observation from my own experience which may also help you decide. Perhaps it was not you personally, but, again, you know a loved one who might find this book beneficial. I know I did. About a decade ago, I was diagnosed with clinical depression, due, for me, to a buildup of stress on the job, until I experienced burnout. In turn, I found, after reading this book, that I’ve experienced many of the same symptoms from PTSD. I would not say that anything that I did was the slightest bit comparable to what Jordan shares; however, the human body reacts in a similar fashion, to a greater or lesser extent, no matter what it is that has caused the trauma.
I think what overall impressed me in reading this book was the attention to detail that is paid when one of our men or women give their lives while in the service… Of course, this is the story of one NCO, but it seemed real, so real, for it to be just because this man would be a dedicated worker, no matter where he worked.
But it is in that dedicated and caring personality that can ultimately bring about a physical and mental response…
Especially when that individual is the liaison, planner, and performer in ensuring that for every loss of life there is an honorable handling of that death…
I, too, had experienced the same feelings of shame as Justin experienced. I can ask myself, as I am sure he did, “why should I be ashamed?” but after doing a job so long, and succeeding at it, while your own body is telling you that too much is being asked of it,, it is difficult to accept that circumstances outside of your personal control has affected your ability to live normally.
Many of the symptoms we shared, such as, nightmares related to his experiences, possible false memories…and, especially, crying for me, may be ones you, too, have felt. If so, this may be a must-read for you–or a call to action to seek help.
This is a very personal story, written somewhat in journal form or as if Justin was sharing directly with you. Some of the parts will be hard for you to read–but, then, Justin actually experienced it! And he’s hoping by sharing this, his story may help in some way. I believe it will, if you read it carefully and allow yourself to grasp that it was not his choice to become involved in mortuary services, as some are called to do.
Instead, he was given no ability to choose that he was placed, first as a cook, then a little bit into the recreation services where he had first requested, and, then completely in the position of NCO and dealing with hundreds of deaths that were not all related to service time. That is, even if an accident occurs during a leave, the military liaison still meets with the family, discusses options for funeral or memorial services, and essentially handles everything that most families would handle during the loss of a loved one. For most of us, that could be a few times in our lives. Imagine what it would be like to do this daily…
I am so happy to have had the opportunity to read Mr. Jordan’s story. It is not the first personal story I’ve read, but it is certainly unique in his involvement with a career he had never considered or chosen. Even if you just enjoy reading biographies and have no other reason discussed in this review, I still would recommend it highly. It is a revealing look into death and those who provide support services in those very personal moments when many cannot deal with their loss and what surrounds the arrangements for our loved ones.
Mary Raynor –
PROFESSIONALISM WHILE DOING THEIR HORRIFIC DUTY
Reviewed in the United States on April 17, 2013
I just read “And Then I Cried,” by Justin Jordan, and thought, Who knew? Who knew that there is trauma involved in taking care of our military dead (or any dead, for that matter), trauma that, over time, runs deep? By the time you see a body in a casket that looks like it is simply asleep, a lot of work has been done behind the scenes to give that illusion — work that the average person will never see. Justin Jordan pulls back the veil for us in this book, giving us a glimpse into the frightening unknown.
As a 24-year military wife, I knew about the Services Squadron in the Air Force, but always assumed the people assigned to it were the desk clerks at the base billeting office and the base gym. I did not know that Services is a catch-all squadron that provides cooks as well as clerks, and I certainly would never have thought it provided mortuary services for those fallen in battle or who die in accidents while on active duty. I got an education with this book.
Although I was warned that I would cry when I read it, I did not; I was too caught up in the gruesome horrors it showed, which were graphically detailed. I can easily see why the author ended up with PTSD after working in mortuary for a long time. Any normal person would.
As I read about Sergeant Jordan went about his duties, I was touched at how he couldn’t help but inject his personal feelings with his professionalism as he did his job, well done and with love, as well as pride.
Some other things that stood out to me were: the angel-like mortician who is a constant player in this story, and who could handle anything that came her way; the reverence with which the military handles the remains of its dead; and the reluctance of Sergeant Jordan to lay down his duties because he knew somebody else would have to take them up in his place and he didn’t want that burden to fall on anybody else.
The deaths that seemed to have affected Sergeant Jordan the most were the suicides, which left him angry because they selfishly caused so much grief.
Of special note to me was how Sergeant Jordan began to have supernatural experiences — seeing an apparition and having dreams before certain events that, incredibly, came true.
Throughout the book, you will be amazed at one of the central figures — the female civilian mortician with whom Sgt. Jordan worked — nothing fazed her.
Everybody should buy and read this book. It will help a veteran. It will acquaint you with the human toll of war as you read about how Sergeant Jordan cared for the bodies of the fallen. It will make you realize that everybody who serves this country is deserving of the utmost respect, since each one does his or her duty, and has his or her place. They are all needed to keep our beloved military operating smoothly.
Surprisingly, after reading “And Then I Cried,” I didn’t cry; the book left me too numb. Instead, I thought…..I thought about what I had read and what I had learned: that all are mortal, all will die — the young as well as the old — and that our lives can be snuffed out at any time, with no warning.
I am amazed at the strength of this young author. Amazed that he was able to do what he did so well and for so long, and amazed that he had the courage to seek help for his suffering when it was needed. He makes me proud to be a part of a military family. I gave the book five stars.
SaMona R. Bryant –
An uncut version of what it’s like to care for the dead on duty. Found it at my local library! More voices like yours need to be heard.